Everybody else is doing it so I'll pile on too...

     Well unless you are pretty dead and hate the internet you know all about the big red S and some poor Canadian bastard who is freezing his ass off trying to pay some bills and live a happy life. But how about the rest of the shittards in the mix. Who? Well me for one. I have to work in a shop that is tied to the sue happy brand. I have to sell all kinds of little packages with the S ue happy label. So I am pissed for a whole different reason.

     You see my shop sells a lot of very expensive bikes. Quite nice bikes actually, and yes some have the S emblazoned on the head tube. This sweet little shop is also run by two dudes trying to make it the best in the business. They pay very well and take great care of the employees with some sweet benefits and a whole lot of understanding. But the fact is any shop now carrying the S ue happy label has to bear the brunt of its shear stupidity.


     It is the middle of winter. Well for all intents and purposes it is, I mean it's cold as balls out right? So most of us are cleaning, finding projects we never really could take down with 95 repairs due five minutes ago. Que the lawyers to fuck us all again. In the court of public opinion Specialized has lost its marbles. One trip over to the Facebook land will allow you to see the powers of social media in full force. Really, I'd hate to be their marketing department for a few days. And FUUUCK the public relations team just in their face...they are so screwed. How do you really come back from this? A full blown shit storm. Deservedly so I may add.
 

     I mean a few posts down and they have the balls to state :

     Tell it to the guy you are suing now. Go Ahead and tell him how much you support his dream, his paycheck, his livelihood, and more importantly tell us all about how the name Cafe Roubaix confuses us. 

     Now about that saddle picture. any one remember this?

http://bikeportland.org/2006/01/31/specialized-mountain-cycle-disagree-on-stumptown-864

So exactly how stupid does S think we are? Short minded? I mean Specialized does know the internet is like forever right? I wonder how that sits with Portland? pun fully intended.

 But I digress. A few hundred of us have to go to work and try to sell these bikes, tires, and tubes. All while reveling in the fact that the big S is looking out for us, the small business owner and it's employees. I mean they absolutely have to protect their trademark ferociously or you might just not remember the difference between a Madone or a Roubaix. Hell you may even think the only place you can get a Roubaix is at the Cafe Roubaix in Calgary. HELL you mean Roubaix is in Europe? I am so confused.

     I just really do not get what the fuck they are thinking. In this day and age you want to go all corporate and screw the little guy? I mean that is basically what you do everyday, but this time you want to do it out in the open so everyone can see how mashed your thought process is. It is one thing if a guy chooses to dance with devil and take his chances buying your wares and trying to meet your unrealistic sales projections. But now just tell me how is this going to help the dealers out? I mean now we are front line punching bags for your lame ass lawyers epic ( can I say that?) brain fart. Which brings about another question.

   He is so fired right? I mean his actions just caused the internets to take an unholy crap all over you. But he was surely doing as demanded. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. They eat their young. Lawyers and sharks and Sin yards.

http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2011/0523/opinions-rich-karlgaard-innovation-rules-hippie-capitalist.html

 From above link: "The Japanese way starts with honor and integrity" -- Mike Sinyard

Oh how you have forgotten your roots.

yourbikehatesyou

Grey is the new Black

  Well it happened. The internet created a whole new wheel size and dealt a death blow to 26 inch wheels. Most if not all manufacturers are dropping the 26 and going with the tweener size. I blame MTBR. Here you have a bunch of computards who in effect type more than they ride. Sheldon Brown wanna be's lauding praise because they said so ( uh, yea I see the irony duh.) The internet has no fact checks built in, they are not typing a research paper. Hell, we the reader are just as guilty because we drink it up like free beers at a work party.

  Like road disc brakes, the industry jumped on board tweener wheels. Not because of pure market demand but because no one wanted to be Yeti. Remember? Yeti was the manufacturer to call 29er's clown shoes. Yeti missed the boat and lost a crap load of market share. Finally coming out with a bandaid bike that was rather unimpressive and did nothing but save face and fill a major void in their line up to keep dealers placated. Not happy, just placated. Big mistake, they know it now, and might just admit it if you have enough single malt. No one wants to do that with 27.5/650B. ( shit that wheel size is so damn awesome it has two names).

 Road bikes. Shit. These damn things are coming with Hydros? Flat land mechanics rejoice. You have struck gold in service revenue. Bleeding these is easy peasy. But we all know road bikers are far more fearful of maintenance than their dirty counter parts. ( I mean mtn bikers fools.) So rejoice in this. Us mountain state mechanics are sighing a collective " OH FUCK". Why? Well, let me tell you.
 Flat out, people don't know shit. On a daily basis we are bombarded with," my brakes make noise." Yeah, we know they do. They are Avids, and you probably thought you could drag them all the way down the hill from Snowbowl. You can't, don't care what brake it is. The problem lies elsewhere.    People are not taught the right way to ride bikes anymore. Don't believe me? When was the last time you jumped in a group ride? The finer points of riding in a group have been lost. Technique has gone the way of the 26" wheel. Johnny come lately will sit up mid pack to check his watts, never mind he just air braked the whole pack behind him. Freddy will over cook a corner, missing the apex, and brake hard while turning too late. Skill has been lost and no one wants to teach it anymore.

 I was getting into the road scene a few years back. I started by joining the shop group rides after work. I had zero skill, negative technique, and was completely oblivious as to my general rolling disaster. I thank my fellow workers for bringing me the knowledge needed to not be a total hack. Taught me how to corner, how to brake, and more importantly the finer points of etiquette in group riding. Best lesson was to sit back and learn. It's painfully obvious that most people are no longer provided this education. It's just get in go fast and to hell with whatever.

 Same mentality happens in mountain bikes. Strava tards blowing you up on their descent as you wrongly assume they are going to follow the rules of the trail. Rules? You mean the sign? That is for "other" people. Plug in, tune out, and rip it. No etiquette. No skill. No fucks given. Poor braking skills are evident here as well. Hydros have great ability to save a noobs ass, which in turn causes more of them to think they have actually acquired skill. In fact, they have acquired nothing but can cost us sooooo much.

 All this rambling does lead to a point.

 Who's job is it to educate? The shop? The sales person in a shop? Or the wrench? As a sales person you are trying to sell product. Bottom line is that is what you are there to do. Sure, a GOOD sales person will make many friends and educate many people on product simply by answering the questions asked. No one asks how to ride anymore. No One.
 As a wrench we tend to see the end result of poor skills and education. Sooo many times we have seen cooked pads, glazed pads, and completely gone pads. Those people are missing something and eventually it could cost them harm. I mean physical harm not wallet harm. Try stopping when you have no pads left at all. Try stopping when you have a mirror finish on your pads. Hell every one of us has had the loud squealing, honking, brake syndrome. I know for a fact most of us are embarrassed and tend to stop using the brakes to avoid the noise. I did.

 Skill. Education. Two things disappearing from our sport at a rapid pace because the industry is changing technology at a better rate than its education practices. I for one am guilty. But in all honesty I am trying. I DO explain the correct way to brake to a customer who has glazed their pads. I DO explain the finer points of looking over your bike to see if the pads need replacing. I try very hard to remove the mystery of wrenching. It really is easy and hard at the same time. But how in the world are we ever going to get anywhere when people won't even lube their chain and go out for a ride with a thousand angry birds chasing them?

 You guys have the new Red 22 in stock?

Yourbikehatesyou.

The hits just keep on coming

     Best thing about this job is the never ending stream of eye popping things you see. A good portion of it is owner induced trauma ( or hate ). Which is how this blog and FB thing started over a few beers. I kept seeing crazy mindblowing crap. Friends wouldn't really believe me, and so the smart phone helped tell a lot of stories.

     I do enjoy my work. But I ride bikes to get away from the computard. A lot of my clients really make shittons of money using the computer. They stare at and tap away at it all day. Hell, I order parts and enter work orders on one. I ride to get away from that shit. Some of you plug your pods into your earbuds and ride. EFFF that. I just ride. No computer, no earbuds. Just singletrack and a tasty beverage for my pause.

Then you get this guy...

     Now I got some big hands. This guy has his damn laptop strapped onboard. 

     Computard rider also has 90 spacers and an adjustable stem. Full upright, full windsail. Fullyfuckoff.

I just cannot get it. I bring a camera, hell I like what I see. The only digital record of my ride I need to remind me of is the escape, the sights I see, and memories to recall when I am strapped to the computard alldamnday. I sure as shit ain't stopping to take a call, answer an email, or text.

    Then you get the internet China guy.The one that is smarter than you. He found some Zipp 303's " online for like $1000." 

     UHHHHH ok guy. Happy as shit for you. So what brings you in? Warranty? huh, that's weird. Can't warranty those Zipp 303's online? huh Weird again.

Exhibit A.

     Now that is oneweirdasshitlooking Zipp 303. I mean, it does have the world champion stripes so I think it must be legit...

Exhibit B.

Ok. Now I am starting to have some kind of doubt. I mean Shimano and Sram play nice all the time right? So Shimano probably lent them some rim strips when Sram ran low. THAT makes sense...

Exhibit C. 

     Zipp is gaining in popularity. So they probably made the wrong profile 303's due to saving carbon to make more wheels. The Shimano rim strip was just a share amongst industry friends. But this? This SHIT. Now I mean, Novatec is some straight baller ass shit. Every pro in the peleton just stickers their hubs over....they ALL run Novatec. SO internet guy you really won the lottery. I'll be sure to send this in to SRAM for full warranty evaluation. I'll call you when SRAM gets back to us. Nofuckingproblem.

     Everyshopguysfavoritehomie rushes in on Thursday before close. He really needs his rig ready to rock the sport class hero ( Cat 5 if your a roadie) (( yeah I do know they changed that system. Fuck them.)) race. " I have really been pounding the miles so I "didn't have time to drop it off earlier". 

HMMMMM.

Ok...

 That guy must know "I do my own maintenance" guy. The one that tells you everything that is NOT wrong with the bike. Thanks for the help champ. " The creak is from my BB not my headset. I just overhauled it last week."

So then this?????

Heeeeeyyyyyyy bro. Chocolate pudding cups are not headset lube. neverevernever. 

Like I said it truly is a good way to work through life. The 100 other people you see a week who really truly know what you do and appreciate it make it all cakes and roses. 

 I will just never understand the trying to pull the wool over your wrenches eyes. We are there to help. We are not ashamed of what we do. Wefuckinglovethisshit. 

Be real. Ride for fun. Don't be a dick.

yourbikehatesyou.

Shit mechanics deal with part 2

Generally speaking people seek way to entertain themselves

while at work.

Mechanics are no different really,

we just seemingly have a non stop parade of opportunity.

Like this gem provided to us by Cannondale.

Ser.i.ously?

WTF was being passed around in the board room that day?

Yeah, the bike is old but not old enough to escape the DUH factor

of using EPO as a marketing splash on a bike.

Everybody wants a stiff road bike.

Everybody.

Well, lets make a carbon road frame so strong...

you can get hit by a car and the frame won't budge.

Scott wins, Shimano fails.

That there is a Ultegra crank bent from contact with a moving car.

Frame says fuck you I ain't moving.

WOW is all I could think. Carbon that didn't snap. Go figure.

Days go by, you plod through the usual bike ailments. 

Then a little gem pops in and you either 

Hope you get the bike in your stand

OR

Hope your timing is just right so you screw your co worker.

I chose the latter on this puppy.

Not because it is a POS ( every body loves their bike right?)

But as an old man I didn't think I could lift it.

Ever have someone ask you for the valve nuts?

Ever wonder why?

now you know.

Just ease back and let the awesome soak in.

Judy if you care.

not soaked in yet?

So how much wrong is going on here?

I for one am certain this guy never ever participates in Drunkcyclist.

How could you?

one stumble and you are well on your way to bleeding out or the ER due to the parting of the Red Sea that used to be your lower leg.

O-ring clamps can cut a bitch.

Now I for one don't mind wrenching.

If you look back a few I used to be pretty damn sour. 

Then I learned that I should not just take a job anywhere, but choose where I want to spin wrenches.

So I did.

I am pretty happy at work.

Unless you are a dick.

No body likes a dick.

I do however dislike certain things that a wrench must deal with.

This is near the top of the list.

On this day Itwasthewholedamnlist

Just 

Why?

Seriously this is like a big Fuck YOU

to the guy playing catcher in this game.

there is probably a part three coming.

Yourbikehatesyou

only the road bikers can save us

Just look at the amazing things that could happen if road bike manufacturers 

would only take the time to help us poor mountain bikers out

Shit mechanics deal with part one...

People see shit everyday.

So what's the big deal?

Sweet stack height...oh and mount.

The big deal is that when you deal with a toy for a living

people do really weird shit.

Which can piss you off if you let it,

or as I have begun to learn,

can really allow you to make fun of people

to feel better about yourself.

These toys are not just average.

They are what most people I know use to free themselves from 

the daily grind.

Escape from the boring bullshit people do for money.

It is their drug.

It is my drug.

Itiswhatitrulylivefortheultimateescape.

People can really fuck this experience up.

I decided I really enjoy one aspect of wrenching in particular.

Bring me these, I love, love, love scraping 20 years of crusty lube and trail off pulleys.  Seriously.

( OK two if you count writing this blog and making light of douche bags)

For me I like teaching people about their whip.

This is a dangerous slope.

As a wrench it can be difficult at times for your work to seem valid.

Asshats tend to think you are just a kid or loser fixing bikes.

Not exactly a technician.

but factor in the rising cost of a bike....

Do you really want some loser kid fixing your $5,000 bike?

Hell, you want some loser kid dialing in your $500 bike?

Not if you are forking over money.

But I really dig it when people are NOT asshats and treat you like a human.

People as a rule tend to not do this too often.

When people have their shit go awry they forget themselves.

They are really just frustrated,

 they have to admit they know 

jack about fixing it.

Don't believe me?

Next time your car craps out and you get bent on the bill,

are you really mad at the $$$

or that you couldn't do it yourself?

Computer issues? 

In todays world that one can really FUBAR your day.

It tends to make you all sideways.   

And chances are you can't fix it.

Pissed, right?

This is gonna be fun.

So that's not good

Which explains a whole lotta this.

Welcome back to the pit

Well that was interesting.

Took a wee bit off to try my hand at the backside of the industry for a while.

Fuck that,

it's an incest ridden clan I can not seem to find my way amongst.

Do things that make you happy they say.

So I am back wrenching, a lot less pissed and a lot smarter.

You can teach an old dog new tricks if they want to learn.

I must want to learn because I am also hitting the books full time as well.

Fifty hour a week job and then some learning off the clock.

Let's get to the smarter.

I chose where I wanted to work like I would chose where I would want my bike wrenched upon.

Step one.

Would you shit in there?

Would you let your lady friend sit down on the seat?

There is a long time myth of really disgusting bathrooms making a shop hardcore.

Really?

If they can't be bothered to clean up their own shit you feel good paying them to 

fix your bike?

It's all about attention to detail, personally that is one big detail.

Step two.

I really have no need for anyone to fix my bike. I can do it just fine.

Now say I was out of town, without tools, and we all know about borrowing tools.

Click

So where would I bring my bike?

Probably not to the guy whose shop looks like hell.

That whole mystique thing is shit.

Probably a good wrench but not with all the carbon, hydro, squish, and computer shit

that permeates our industry nowadays.

 I want to be seen and trusted as a technician -- hell I want to be paid like one as well.

So the dirtbagwithattitudeholeinthewall is out.

I want to serve people who take pride in their bike and want to see me do the same.

Step three.

Interview the shop. 

wait, what?

Yeah man. If I am going to spend 9-10 hours a day there I guess I should 

WANT TO.

Fuck going to a place I hate everyday, that's why I left the other deal.

What are the owners about?, the people they hire?, do they have the same goals as I do?

I don't want to get a check and go, feeding some other guys dream.

Hell man I want to get some of mine as well.

Are they in it for the same reasons I am?

I prefer to not shlep at a mom and pop. 

Nothing wrong with them but I know where I fit best,

I want what I want.

So I guess I should choose a shop that gets down like I want to get down.

It's only fair

then the people paying me are happy

because I am happy.

Happy is good.

yourbikehatesyou