Friday, April 18, 2014

Stanley passes the pipe. #sramroaddiaries #Sram #buyourshitlemmings #standay

Minute mark 1:40. You issued a statement on a Friday afternoon. No doubt trying to buy time to figure out what the fuck you were going to do. No one can call in on a huge weekend of cross racing a few weeks before Nationals to figure out how to take care of the customer in front of my face.

 Never worked in a bike shop have you Mr. Day?

2:14   19,000 bikes. 5,000 in the hands of the consumer. Meaning the rest are on my sales floor or at Specialized/Trek/....

 You know the cross season hit in all reality sometime in August. When dealers had to have them on the floor or lose sales. Another side of this is the pressure Specy and Trek place on dealers to take their orders and increase their orders every season. Yet another side is the massive marketing campaign you put out insisting hydros were a necessity in 2013/14. ( every mechanic I know cringed, knowing your shit would suck. who was right? )

 Then this:

:15 seconds in you are lying to us.

:37 seconds in you are telling us how they failed. UHHHHH no shit. Pretty much sounds like every Juicy. UHHHH no shit sounds like every Elixir. UHHHHHH no shit sounds exactly like half of every Trail brake. Dude. Where is your head all the time?

 Oh yea. Laughing all the way to the bank. 'Cause your rich as fuck.

At 2:01 you basically admit you saw Shimano's normal looking hoods and realized your skyscraper hoods were ugly as fuck.

2:37 translation...we walked down to the corner liquor store and borrowed their freezer and coolers for lunch "testing".

 3:00 in is the highlight reel. He no sooner says everyone wants to get back on hydros when he has to look away from the camera. That my friends is what we call a tell in Poker. Just sayin....

Hey there Stanley, thanks so much for reading what your payed riders were paid to say about your product. I know for a fact I was pretty much given a gag order to prevent me from speaking my mind about your brakes to customers...because you know....SRAM does so much for racers.

4:06 wait...whut you say? Second half of April I can get new brakes? I can has stop?

Well kids its the second half of April. Your taxes done?

:40 second mark

 Stanley mentions his promise. Remember the second half of April?

UHHHHH oh you mean your going to production on 2015 product to remedy 2013 product about the exact same time you'd go into production for 2015 product anyway........mmmmmmmm? Say like in April. To get product to market for 2015...which is really 2014?

 Now Stanley. I realize you and your board are laughing your asses off. I mean bro, look at your tan. You just stepped off the yacht, and the boys are unloading the Martini's. You know by now you can just sell us anything. It doesn't even have to work. Why?

 Brother you have the best marketing team on earth. I mean you are trying to slide the Guido brakes under our noses tongue in cheek. I mean really. Half baked, half tanked marketing dudes were like
" if we use this font it looks like it says Guide" hahaha

" oh. it is supposed to say Guide, NOT Guido?"


Can't wait to try that.....