Saturday, June 14, 2014

Tri Ahtle tez.

I fucking hate Tri season.

There I said it. I have been wrenching for years and still cannot comprehend the level of shit that Tri geeks lay down year after year after fucking holy hell year.

 If you fucktards could only her what every wrench in every shop says about you.




You spend six fucking months training for an event. Which means surely you have ridden your pile of parts a few miles. So then you obviously planned for the event, right? I mean you knew the date of the race. A few weeks ago you started your damn taper. You probably bought a damn plane ticket some time after your registration was complete. My guess is you are not sleeping in the woods. So maybe a hotel reservation? 

 So why in the holy fucking hell are you in my shop the day before your plane leaves asking me to box your pile of piss and electrolyte crust? You forget to plan that part douche tard? I mean surely this date just snuck right up on you. Ninja. Oh I am sorry you have a race and need it now? Oh fuck you are doing a triathlon? You must be a badass. 

 

Oh so now wait....You don't want to pay a rush fee? I mean, sorry you must be right. Certainly you are waaaaaay more important than the people who actually planned their bike repair/boxing out weeks in advance. Hell some of them are your fellow triathletards. Your are doing a FULL Ironman? Oh well right to the head of the line, future Navy Seal...

 OK. So now you have arrived at your destination for your "event". You were smart enough to show up a full two days early. Almost like you planned something. Buuuuuuttt you didn't. You come huffing and pufffing into my shop. On a Friday, and of course you need your bike built. LIKE. NOW. You have to spin out your legs from the flight. Sure. 

 You ever for one damn minute think that on a sunny 80 degree day that maybe we might be busy as hell? That maybe the Tri geeks that live here might have made an appointment to have their place reserved for work? That just maybe the people who live in our community and support us the other 360 days a year, and are patiently waiting AHEAD of you might just maybe deserve my time as well? 

 Another question...How in the fuck did you ride your bike three times a week or more training for this event and not notice your stem was cracked? That your housing was exploded. That your derailleur cable was stabbing you in the leg. Or that you haven't been able to shift into the big ring? I get it. maybe TSA fubared your bike. I accept that and would like to help, assuming you are not a prick and understand I cannot DO IT NOW, but will get it done TODAY.  But nope. You are doing a Tri, so you need it now. 


Coaches. I fucking hate you too. You make money training these fools. Maybe you want to start teaching them the proper way to treat service people. I am not asking for beer here ( I mean I am and will take it ), I am not asking for tip money ( I mean I am and will take that too ), but I am really just asking for you to teach your clients that bike maintenance and just a weeee bit of planning will really make their whole experience better. No pre event stress, no running around like an idiot. Just relaxing and enjoying the area before their "event". Most importantly teach them that I am a human. Let me say that again. MOST IMPORTANTLY TEACH THEM THAT I AM A HUMAN. A person who, as much as I disdain Triathletes for the above reasons, actually does want to help. It's just that other people planned. Other people are nicer. Other people see how damn busy the whole shop is busting their asses to help people. People just like you. 

 We don't sit there and figure out ways to screw you over. You have done a fine enough job of that already. Truly we want to help. We want to save your "event" for you. I want to dial your bike in so you have your personal best, the time of your life, and just basically crush the bike portion. I do. Really. and so does everyone else in my shop.

 All we ask is for you not to be such a compete shit head about it. Stop and think about someone other than yourself in this moment. This high level of stress you are projecting on the wrench or salesperson is not good for you or the person helping you. You are completing the stereotype. You are the reason this is being written.

Fuckihatetriseason.


yourbikehatestriseasontoostoppissingonit.

Oh and another thing....What the fuck is the deal with those socks and shit? 





Friday, April 18, 2014

Stanley passes the pipe. #sramroaddiaries #Sram #buyourshitlemmings #standay


Minute mark 1:40. You issued a statement on a Friday afternoon. No doubt trying to buy time to figure out what the fuck you were going to do. No one can call in on a huge weekend of cross racing a few weeks before Nationals to figure out how to take care of the customer in front of my face.

 Never worked in a bike shop have you Mr. Day?

2:14   19,000 bikes. 5,000 in the hands of the consumer. Meaning the rest are on my sales floor or at Specialized/Trek/....

 You know the cross season hit in all reality sometime in August. When dealers had to have them on the floor or lose sales. Another side of this is the pressure Specy and Trek place on dealers to take their orders and increase their orders every season. Yet another side is the massive marketing campaign you put out insisting hydros were a necessity in 2013/14. ( every mechanic I know cringed, knowing your shit would suck. who was right? )

 Then this:


Seriously.
:15 seconds in you are lying to us.

:37 seconds in you are telling us how they failed. UHHHHH no shit. Pretty much sounds like every Juicy. UHHHH no shit sounds like every Elixir. UHHHHHH no shit sounds exactly like half of every Trail brake. Dude. Where is your head all the time?

 Oh yea. Laughing all the way to the bank. 'Cause your rich as fuck.



At 2:01 you basically admit you saw Shimano's normal looking hoods and realized your skyscraper hoods were ugly as fuck.

2:37 translation...we walked down to the corner liquor store and borrowed their freezer and coolers for lunch "testing".

 3:00 in is the highlight reel. He no sooner says everyone wants to get back on hydros when he has to look away from the camera. That my friends is what we call a tell in Poker. Just sayin....

Hey there Stanley, thanks so much for reading what your payed riders were paid to say about your product. I know for a fact I was pretty much given a gag order to prevent me from speaking my mind about your brakes to customers...because you know....SRAM does so much for racers.

4:06 wait...whut you say? Second half of April I can get new brakes? I can has stop?


Well kids its the second half of April. Your taxes done?

:40 second mark

 Stanley mentions his promise. Remember the second half of April?

http://youtu.be/cybqViHgrFY?t=11s



UHHHHH oh you mean your going to production on 2015 product to remedy 2013 product failure...at about the exact same time you'd go into production for 2015 product anyway........mmmmmmmm? Say like in April. To get product to market for 2015...which is really 2014?


 Now Stanley. I realize you and your board are laughing your asses off. I mean bro, look at your tan. You just stepped off the yacht, and the boys are unloading the Martini's. You know by now you can just sell us anything. It doesn't even have to work. Why?



 Brother you have the best marketing team on earth. I mean you are trying to slide the Guido brakes under our noses tongue in cheek. I mean really. Half baked, half tanked marketing dudes were like
" if we use this font it looks like it says Guide" hahaha

" oh. it is supposed to say Guide, NOT Guido?"

Shit.

Can't wait to try that.....


yourbikehatesyou

Thursday, March 27, 2014

#SRAM still trying to make you stop...

Recently the interwebs have been hilarious. Sram recently announced their new brake system. While many claim that I am just a Sram hater the comment sections of these releases provided non stop hilarity.


 From bikerumor.com :

Which has the funniest way of putting tongue in cheek with this headline:

SRAM LEADS THE WAY TO BETTER BRAKING WITH NEW GUIDE TRAIL BRAKES




Tad Dickman - 03/25/14 - 12:09pm
I keep reading that name on the lever as the SRAM Guido
Mirwin - 03/25/14 - 12:11pm
“…combined with a piggyback reservoir instead of the Taperbore…”
Oh look, re-badged Juicy’s.
David - 03/25/14 - 12:23pm
I don’t know why they want to eliminate the gobble, that’s a “feature” at this point. “You can hear the quality!”
Skeptic mechanic - 03/25/14 - 12:25pm
Hopefully the release of these brakes wont mean doubling the amount of avid brakes i have to call in for warranty…
Nelson Muntz - 03/25/14 - 2:33pm
I can understand the name change to SRAM.
After the great success of their road discs….SRAM is the first name I think of when it comes to disc brakes.
And recalls.
And re-recalls.
Miles - 03/25/14 - 2:33pm
So if these are hitting the market June 2014, that should put the recall replacements in customer’s hands in the “second half” of February 2015?
captain derp - 03/25/14 - 2:38pm
because one full brake recall wasn’t enough
Nelson Muntz - 03/25/14 - 3:00pm
These SRAMs will actually be lighter than Shimano….because they won’t be on your bike after the recall.
But they will send you some BB5s as replacements so you can party like it’s 1999
rentedshoes - 03/26/14 - 10:38am
Holy crap, even the brand manager can’t look us in the eye when he tells us that these brakes are going to provide “noise-free operation.”
brandon kline - 03/25/14 - 6:24pm
just do us all a favor and give up on brakes already…

 I wonder if anyone at #SRAM reads these comments. Most likely. I know it provided fodder for bench talk at our shop for a day or two. The "Guido" comment was hilarious as a co worker took a quick glance at the press release and immediately wondered why Avid ( oops now SRAM ) would name a brake Guido. Everyone knows SRAVID can market the crap out of shit, but perhaps they need to re examine their font. 
 I am also amused at the name change. Facing the biggest flop in recent years, you drop the Avid name and go with SRAM? Avid was your bailout plan. You sent hundreds of Avid BB5's and BB7's out to rectify the debacle debut of SRAM HYDRO....and follow it up with the Guido, I mean Guide presented by SRAM. Let's all hope you guys rented a freezer for testing this time.

 Oh wait there's more. From VitalMTB:

1 day ago
No matter what color you make a turd, it still stinks!

"Avid brakes, those were garbage! But these new SRAM brakes are awesome!"

Hahahaha!

And I am sure this new design has been thoroughly tested, just like the road bike disk brakes that were recently recalled.


1 day ago
Maybe they got it right this time.. Ha.. Who am I kidding, this is SRAM we are talking about.

1 day ago
We heard this song and dance before for years.
Please don't spend your hard earned money on this crap !

 I am no engineer, I just fix their shit, or replace entire systems depending on the case. But the people at SRAVID have made a mockery of engineers everywhere. Poor system design after poor system design. Any wrench in the world knows what I mean when I say " I just got SRAMMED." Yup folks that's right I just won a free chain for our shop troubles....
 Call in with a Reverb issue you get a warranty and a free chain. WTF are they smoking? I'd be better off with some Reverb fluid, you know the consumable good I just used. How in the hell does a chain have anything to do with a Reverb? Send me at least a consumable good I can use for the product that failed. I know for a fact I will bleed some poor bastards Juicy's at least twice before they replace a chain. SRAM here's a hint...your chains last longer than anything else you make.

 To the FANBOYS. I don't care. Sure your SRAVID's work fine once their bled right. Sure you gotta know how to work on them. Sure hydraulic systems need maintenance. You see I know all this. The fact you are overlooking is I don't even know where my Tektro bleed kit is. EVEN TEKTRO BRAKES WORK BETTER.
Don't tell me about power. Don't even feign modulation to me. The fact that they are OEM spec on more bikes has nothing to do with how awesome they are. It has to do with how cheap they are and how many SRAVID can crank out of a production line to slap on TREKALIZED bikes as fast as possible. 
 Go ahead and tell me I just can't bleed them right. You sir are staring at your colon. If you can't bleed a SRAVID system you ain't a wrench. You are a grom. 

 As a company they really should quit hitting themselves in the nuts and forgo a new brake design every three years. But hey man, but THIS ones gonna work....for real. We promise.

Call me a hater. But the facts speak volumes in this case.
In case you give any fucks at all. The new Pike is the shit, blows 2013 and 2014 Fox outta the water. The trail brakes are surprisingly OK. Not nearly good enough to stop my desire to buy XT...yea pun intended.
The funniest thing I have come to learn is XO 11 speed kicks the shit outta XX1. The fact that their second tier line destroys the flagship premier line is proof of the shit show SRAVID is selling us. 

I seriously cannot wait for SRAM to debut their electronic road group. What could possibly go wrong there???
But realistically, we are a society that begs for crap to be shoved down our throats. Companies have figured out that we will take it upon ourselves to drown our buyers remorse with excuses and justifications. We no longer give any real fucks about quality. We just want to be cool. Don't believe me?
How fucking far do you have to walk to get a Starbucks?
Game.
Set.
Match.
yourbikehatesyou























Saturday, December 14, 2013

Kickin the can part one....

Well I am sure as shit going to say I told you so....

http://www.bikeradar.com/road/news/article/sram-road-hydraulic-brake-recall-stop-use-immediately-39316/

http://www.bikerumor.com/2013/12/13/sram-announces-complete-recall-of-all-road-hydraulic-rim-and-disc-brakes-stop-use-immediately/

http://velonews.competitor.com/2013/12/bikes-and-tech/sram-recalls-all-hydraulic-road-disc-and-rim-brakes_311170


     So remember my last post...and when the whole world wide interweb got their panties wadded up at Mike Sinyard?

     I guess I will never ever understand why we always let SRAM and AVID off the hook. They have been fucking more people and more shop owners over for years. Make no mistake about it, the big sue happy S is also to blame. They are the bastards that spec that shit lock stock and barrel. ( I know nothing of what Trek specs because their bikes are all piss poor copies of someone else's work anyway.)


     Here's a bit of my personal history with the SRAM/AVID crap.

Waaaaay back in the day I was a huge Avid fan boy. Sram also. First modern bike was Gripshift and Avid V brake equipped. My bikes prior to this were re fabs. I was a retro grouch due to my socio economic state. I ran what I fixed up from the piles. But when I threw down real money I got a Specialized. Even back in the day them bastards were conspiring against us. But back then, SrAvid had something to prove. Their shit actually worked and was reliable. ( unless you gorilla fisted the cable replacement and broke a bunch of plastic shit.) They were playing to win and knock Shimano off the block.

  2000/2001. XO. Sram was launching their first big silo at Shimano. I was first in line. I got that big ass Tin full of my XO rear mech. I got me a ticket to win at the NORBA Nationals. Free "VIP" schwag handed out by none other than Mr. Cut the Course in '90. All them bitches were jealous....I really was fully into that Sram twisty shit. Every single wrench and person I knew made fun of me. But hey it worked and I was really damn close to a fully non Shimano bike. Which was my goal, to have zero Shimano on my ride.



 As time went on I moved my thought patterns to what I was paid to sell. I was paid to sell whatever corporate partnership product we spec'd on our bikes. If our trailer had Kenda on it, then by god those were the best rubbers you could ride. Fox forks...pure squishy gold. Anything we partnered up with was the company line and therefore my line. Oddly, it was always Shimano. I rode it. I liked it. I was being won over.

 Then I pulled a few years back wrenching in retail. Oh Holy Hell how times changed. The Sram stuff I once loved acted like the girl who just caught you banging her sister. It was a hot mess. It howled, actually gobbled like a turkey popping a cherry. It vibrated better than any Steely Dan on the market, you really could not control it once it started. And then it stopped stopping. It also stopped shifting just about the same time it wanted you to Make the Leap.

 Leap? Hell it couldn't even nudge. The first years of Sram Red front derailleurs alone should have brought that company down in a hell storm of customer complaints. But like most sheep we kept following. It seriously performed so bad we thought it was the new normal. Then myself or some three hundred other mechanics decided that even a Sora would work better. And that became the best way to fix Red front shifting. XX1...shit any wrench can tell you they came up with 1X11 so they wouldn't have to TRY and make another front derailleur.

 Sheeple. Sram counts on it. And most of you thick skulled minions keep walking right off the cliff. Don't even get me started on Rock Shox. They were only better than Manitou. After stuffing stanchions with foam who the fuck thought plastic cartridges were a good idea? I had a Judy DH that leaked like it was a full time job. It was. Rock Shox just finally sent me four cartridges so I could have them in steady rotation and save them shipping charges. Oh and Fuck Reba. Shut up, you brought her home so you get to bang her.

 ( Rock Shox is making some decent shit now, really. Pike ) but





 You pretty much feel that way every time you buy, fix, or ride that shit nowadays. Maybe just maybe your batch is the good one. Maybe. But its all your dollars and all your loss when your ride is in my shop getting bled for the 90th time before a recall...


Shop owners. WOW are you getting fucked. No lube. No reach around. Just a pile of shitty free chains (waiting to be recalled...), free cassettes ( also awaiting their recall), and a few free bottles of DOT. You pay me how much? And your margin was? so factor that into the free man hours you are giving away and you just got raped. But no outrage at all....just sheeple along.


 Fanboys and girls are the greatest.

"Ever ridden a Shimano brake at 0 degs , they don't work either ...."

" have Sram brakes on all of my bike ( bunch) , I've found if I flush the brakes and be fairly anal when setting up , they work perfect.... "

"because Shimano has never had a recall... Um, yeah... SRAM/Avid breaks have gone downhill, but I know plenty of people who had Elixirs and never had an issue, myself included. "

"SRAM drivetrain components work great."


from my favorite ass clown:
"poor baby...u have to work...wtf r u always complaining....they credit ur service hours anyway...stop hating on everything u have trouble working on...send them to my shop and ill do them...god forbid u have to bleed some brakes...."

"Actually, I like my elixers. It helps to know how to bleed them and have a little patience adjusting the calipers."

more from my favorite ass clown:
" I dont get it...?....bleed them right away when open em folks....bleed them right...they all work fine...iv done thousands....u know when they fill them it comes from a giant drum thats absorbed water...?...maybe try stu class....not rocket science"


 One thing that they all have in common, they all really know how to bleed brakes. BECAUSE they have to do it all the damn time. My favorite is the clown who can't even use english. He was so adamant about Sram crediting you for labor. Brooooooo, a damn chain ain't cutting it in my shop. We do real work and get paid a fair wage for our professional work. Son. I cost money. My owners value me and my co workers. So yea, a chain isn't really covering it.


 Dear Sram,

 Test your shit. Like in a lab or something. We the consumer and end user actually have to PAY to use your crap. Assuming its actually going to work. Please stop using me as a lab rat AND taking my money. If you want me to test your product for you....PAY ME or give it to me for free. 

Yours truly,

Every consumer since 2002.



yourbikehatesyou















Monday, December 9, 2013

Everybody else is doing it so I'll pile on too...

     Well unless you are pretty dead and hate the internet you know all about the big red S and some poor Canadian bastard who is freezing his ass off trying to pay some bills and live a happy life. But how about the rest of the shittards in the mix. Who? Well me for one. I have to work in a shop that is tied to the sue happy brand. I have to sell all kinds of little packages with the S ue happy label. So I am pissed for a whole different reason.

     You see my shop sells a lot of very expensive bikes. Quite nice bikes actually, and yes some have the S emblazoned on the head tube. This sweet little shop is also run by two dudes trying to make it the best in the business. They pay very well and take great care of the employees with some sweet benefits and a whole lot of understanding. But the fact is any shop now carrying the S ue happy label has to bear the brunt of its shear stupidity.


     It is the middle of winter. Well for all intents and purposes it is, I mean it's cold as balls out right? So most of us are cleaning, finding projects we never really could take down with 95 repairs due five minutes ago. Que the lawyers to fuck us all again. In the court of public opinion Specialized has lost its marbles. One trip over to the Facebook land will allow you to see the powers of social media in full force. Really, I'd hate to be their marketing department for a few days. And FUUUCK the public relations team just in their face...they are so screwed. How do you really come back from this? A full blown shit storm. Deservedly so I may add.
 

     I mean a few posts down and they have the balls to state :



     Tell it to the guy you are suing now. Go Ahead and tell him how much you support his dream, his paycheck, his livelihood, and more importantly tell us all about how the name Cafe Roubaix confuses us. 
     Now about that saddle picture. any one remember this?


So exactly how stupid does S think we are? Short minded? I mean Specialized does know the internet is like forever right? I wonder how that sits with Portland? pun fully intended.

 But I digress. A few hundred of us have to go to work and try to sell these bikes, tires, and tubes. All while reveling in the fact that the big S is looking out for us, the small business owner and it's employees. I mean they absolutely have to protect their trademark ferociously or you might just not remember the difference between a Madone or a Roubaix. Hell you may even think the only place you can get a Roubaix is at the Cafe Roubaix in Calgary. HELL you mean Roubaix is in Europe? I am so confused.

     I just really do not get what the fuck they are thinking. In this day and age you want to go all corporate and screw the little guy? I mean that is basically what you do everyday, but this time you want to do it out in the open so everyone can see how mashed your thought process is. It is one thing if a guy chooses to dance with devil and take his chances buying your wares and trying to meet your unrealistic sales projections. But now just tell me how is this going to help the dealers out? I mean now we are front line punching bags for your lame ass lawyers epic ( can I say that?) brain fart. Which brings about another question.

   He is so fired right? I mean his actions just caused the internets to take an unholy crap all over you. But he was surely doing as demanded. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. They eat their young. Lawyers and sharks and Sin yards.

http://www.forbes.com/forbes/2011/0523/opinions-rich-karlgaard-innovation-rules-hippie-capitalist.html

 From above link: "The Japanese way starts with honor and integrity" -- Mike Sinyard

Oh how you have forgotten your roots.

yourbikehatesyou

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Grey is the new Black

  Well it happened. The internet created a whole new wheel size and dealt a death blow to 26 inch wheels. Most if not all manufacturers are dropping the 26 and going with the tweener size. I blame MTBR. Here you have a bunch of computards who in effect type more than they ride. Sheldon Brown wanna be's lauding praise because they said so ( uh, yea I see the irony duh.) The internet has no fact checks built in, they are not typing a research paper. Hell, we the reader are just as guilty because we drink it up like free beers at a work party.



  Like road disc brakes, the industry jumped on board tweener wheels. Not because of pure market demand but because no one wanted to be Yeti. Remember? Yeti was the manufacturer to call 29er's clown shoes. Yeti missed the boat and lost a crap load of market share. Finally coming out with a bandaid bike that was rather unimpressive and did nothing but save face and fill a major void in their line up to keep dealers placated. Not happy, just placated. Big mistake, they know it now, and might just admit it if you have enough single malt. No one wants to do that with 27.5/650B. ( shit that wheel size is so damn awesome it has two names).



 Road bikes. Shit. These damn things are coming with Hydros? Flat land mechanics rejoice. You have struck gold in service revenue. Bleeding these is easy peasy. But we all know road bikers are far more fearful of maintenance than their dirty counter parts. ( I mean mtn bikers fools.) So rejoice in this. Us mountain state mechanics are sighing a collective " OH FUCK". Why? Well, let me tell you.
 Flat out, people don't know shit. On a daily basis we are bombarded with," my brakes make noise." Yeah, we know they do. They are Avids, and you probably thought you could drag them all the way down the hill from Snowbowl. You can't, don't care what brake it is. The problem lies elsewhere.    People are not taught the right way to ride bikes anymore. Don't believe me? When was the last time you jumped in a group ride? The finer points of riding in a group have been lost. Technique has gone the way of the 26" wheel. Johnny come lately will sit up mid pack to check his watts, never mind he just air braked the whole pack behind him. Freddy will over cook a corner, missing the apex, and brake hard while turning too late. Skill has been lost and no one wants to teach it anymore.




 I was getting into the road scene a few years back. I started by joining the shop group rides after work. I had zero skill, negative technique, and was completely oblivious as to my general rolling disaster. I thank my fellow workers for bringing me the knowledge needed to not be a total hack. Taught me how to corner, how to brake, and more importantly the finer points of etiquette in group riding. Best lesson was to sit back and learn. It's painfully obvious that most people are no longer provided this education. It's just get in go fast and to hell with whatever.


 Same mentality happens in mountain bikes. Strava tards blowing you up on their descent as you wrongly assume they are going to follow the rules of the trail. Rules? You mean the sign? That is for "other" people. Plug in, tune out, and rip it. No etiquette. No skill. No fucks given. Poor braking skills are evident here as well. Hydros have great ability to save a noobs ass, which in turn causes more of them to think they have actually acquired skill. In fact, they have acquired nothing but can cost us sooooo much.




 All this rambling does lead to a point.

 Who's job is it to educate? The shop? The sales person in a shop? Or the wrench? As a sales person you are trying to sell product. Bottom line is that is what you are there to do. Sure, a GOOD sales person will make many friends and educate many people on product simply by answering the questions asked. No one asks how to ride anymore. No One.
 As a wrench we tend to see the end result of poor skills and education. Sooo many times we have seen cooked pads, glazed pads, and completely gone pads. Those people are missing something and eventually it could cost them harm. I mean physical harm not wallet harm. Try stopping when you have no pads left at all. Try stopping when you have a mirror finish on your pads. Hell every one of us has had the loud squealing, honking, brake syndrome. I know for a fact most of us are embarrassed and tend to stop using the brakes to avoid the noise. I did.




 Skill. Education. Two things disappearing from our sport at a rapid pace because the industry is changing technology at a better rate than its education practices. I for one am guilty. But in all honesty I am trying. I DO explain the correct way to brake to a customer who has glazed their pads. I DO explain the finer points of looking over your bike to see if the pads need replacing. I try very hard to remove the mystery of wrenching. It really is easy and hard at the same time. But how in the world are we ever going to get anywhere when people won't even lube their chain and go out for a ride with a thousand angry birds chasing them?

 You guys have the new Red 22 in stock?



Yourbikehatesyou.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

The hits just keep on coming

     Best thing about this job is the never ending stream of eye popping things you see. A good portion of it is owner induced trauma ( or hate ). Which is how this blog and FB thing started over a few beers. I kept seeing crazy mindblowing crap. Friends wouldn't really believe me, and so the smart phone helped tell a lot of stories.

     I do enjoy my work. But I ride bikes to get away from the computard. A lot of my clients really make shittons of money using the computer. They stare at and tap away at it all day. Hell, I order parts and enter work orders on one. I ride to get away from that shit. Some of you plug your pods into your earbuds and ride. EFFF that. I just ride. No computer, no earbuds. Just singletrack and a tasty beverage for my pause.

Then you get this guy...



     Now I got some big hands. This guy has his damn laptop strapped onboard. 




     Computard rider also has 90 spacers and an adjustable stem. Full upright, full windsail. Fullyfuckoff.
I just cannot get it. I bring a camera, hell I like what I see. The only digital record of my ride I need to remind me of is the escape, the sights I see, and memories to recall when I am strapped to the computard alldamnday. I sure as shit ain't stopping to take a call, answer an email, or text.


    Then you get the internet China guy.The one that is smarter than you. He found some Zipp 303's " online for like $1000." 
     UHHHHH ok guy. Happy as shit for you. So what brings you in? Warranty? huh, that's weird. Can't warranty those Zipp 303's online? huh Weird again.

Exhibit A.

     Now that is oneweirdasshitlooking Zipp 303. I mean, it does have the world champion stripes so I think it must be legit...

Exhibit B.

Ok. Now I am starting to have some kind of doubt. I mean Shimano and Sram play nice all the time right? So Shimano probably lent them some rim strips when Sram ran low. THAT makes sense...

Exhibit C. 

     Zipp is gaining in popularity. So they probably made the wrong profile 303's due to saving carbon to make more wheels. The Shimano rim strip was just a share amongst industry friends. But this? This SHIT. Now I mean, Novatec is some straight baller ass shit. Every pro in the peleton just stickers their hubs over....they ALL run Novatec. SO internet guy you really won the lottery. I'll be sure to send this in to SRAM for full warranty evaluation. I'll call you when SRAM gets back to us. Nofuckingproblem.


     Everyshopguysfavoritehomie rushes in on Thursday before close. He really needs his rig ready to rock the sport class hero ( Cat 5 if your a roadie) (( yeah I do know they changed that system. Fuck them.)) race. " I have really been pounding the miles so I "didn't have time to drop it off earlier". 
HMMMMM.


Ok...

 That guy must know "I do my own maintenance" guy. The one that tells you everything that is NOT wrong with the bike. Thanks for the help champ. " The creak is from my BB not my headset. I just overhauled it last week."

So then this?????

Heeeeeyyyyyyy bro. Chocolate pudding cups are not headset lube. neverevernever. 


Like I said it truly is a good way to work through life. The 100 other people you see a week who really truly know what you do and appreciate it make it all cakes and roses. 

 I will just never understand the trying to pull the wool over your wrenches eyes. We are there to help. We are not ashamed of what we do. Wefuckinglovethisshit. 



Be real. Ride for fun. Don't be a dick.

yourbikehatesyou.