Thursday, March 27, 2014

#SRAM still trying to make you stop...

Recently the interwebs have been hilarious. Sram recently announced their new brake system. While many claim that I am just a Sram hater the comment sections of these releases provided non stop hilarity.

 From :

Which has the funniest way of putting tongue in cheek with this headline:


Tad Dickman - 03/25/14 - 12:09pm
I keep reading that name on the lever as the SRAM Guido
Mirwin - 03/25/14 - 12:11pm
“…combined with a piggyback reservoir instead of the Taperbore…”
Oh look, re-badged Juicy’s.
David - 03/25/14 - 12:23pm
I don’t know why they want to eliminate the gobble, that’s a “feature” at this point. “You can hear the quality!”
Skeptic mechanic - 03/25/14 - 12:25pm
Hopefully the release of these brakes wont mean doubling the amount of avid brakes i have to call in for warranty…
Nelson Muntz - 03/25/14 - 2:33pm
I can understand the name change to SRAM.
After the great success of their road discs….SRAM is the first name I think of when it comes to disc brakes.
And recalls.
And re-recalls.
Miles - 03/25/14 - 2:33pm
So if these are hitting the market June 2014, that should put the recall replacements in customer’s hands in the “second half” of February 2015?
captain derp - 03/25/14 - 2:38pm
because one full brake recall wasn’t enough
Nelson Muntz - 03/25/14 - 3:00pm
These SRAMs will actually be lighter than Shimano….because they won’t be on your bike after the recall.
But they will send you some BB5s as replacements so you can party like it’s 1999
rentedshoes - 03/26/14 - 10:38am
Holy crap, even the brand manager can’t look us in the eye when he tells us that these brakes are going to provide “noise-free operation.”
brandon kline - 03/25/14 - 6:24pm
just do us all a favor and give up on brakes already…

 I wonder if anyone at #SRAM reads these comments. Most likely. I know it provided fodder for bench talk at our shop for a day or two. The "Guido" comment was hilarious as a co worker took a quick glance at the press release and immediately wondered why Avid ( oops now SRAM ) would name a brake Guido. Everyone knows SRAVID can market the crap out of shit, but perhaps they need to re examine their font. 
 I am also amused at the name change. Facing the biggest flop in recent years, you drop the Avid name and go with SRAM? Avid was your bailout plan. You sent hundreds of Avid BB5's and BB7's out to rectify the debacle debut of SRAM HYDRO....and follow it up with the Guido, I mean Guide presented by SRAM. Let's all hope you guys rented a freezer for testing this time.

 Oh wait there's more. From VitalMTB:

1 day ago
No matter what color you make a turd, it still stinks!

"Avid brakes, those were garbage! But these new SRAM brakes are awesome!"


And I am sure this new design has been thoroughly tested, just like the road bike disk brakes that were recently recalled.

1 day ago
Maybe they got it right this time.. Ha.. Who am I kidding, this is SRAM we are talking about.

1 day ago
We heard this song and dance before for years.
Please don't spend your hard earned money on this crap !

 I am no engineer, I just fix their shit, or replace entire systems depending on the case. But the people at SRAVID have made a mockery of engineers everywhere. Poor system design after poor system design. Any wrench in the world knows what I mean when I say " I just got SRAMMED." Yup folks that's right I just won a free chain for our shop troubles....
 Call in with a Reverb issue you get a warranty and a free chain. WTF are they smoking? I'd be better off with some Reverb fluid, you know the consumable good I just used. How in the hell does a chain have anything to do with a Reverb? Send me at least a consumable good I can use for the product that failed. I know for a fact I will bleed some poor bastards Juicy's at least twice before they replace a chain. SRAM here's a hint...your chains last longer than anything else you make.

 To the FANBOYS. I don't care. Sure your SRAVID's work fine once their bled right. Sure you gotta know how to work on them. Sure hydraulic systems need maintenance. You see I know all this. The fact you are overlooking is I don't even know where my Tektro bleed kit is. EVEN TEKTRO BRAKES WORK BETTER.
Don't tell me about power. Don't even feign modulation to me. The fact that they are OEM spec on more bikes has nothing to do with how awesome they are. It has to do with how cheap they are and how many SRAVID can crank out of a production line to slap on TREKALIZED bikes as fast as possible. 
 Go ahead and tell me I just can't bleed them right. You sir are staring at your colon. If you can't bleed a SRAVID system you ain't a wrench. You are a grom. 

 As a company they really should quit hitting themselves in the nuts and forgo a new brake design every three years. But hey man, but THIS ones gonna work....for real. We promise.

Call me a hater. But the facts speak volumes in this case.
In case you give any fucks at all. The new Pike is the shit, blows 2013 and 2014 Fox outta the water. The trail brakes are surprisingly OK. Not nearly good enough to stop my desire to buy XT...yea pun intended.
The funniest thing I have come to learn is XO 11 speed kicks the shit outta XX1. The fact that their second tier line destroys the flagship premier line is proof of the shit show SRAVID is selling us. 

I seriously cannot wait for SRAM to debut their electronic road group. What could possibly go wrong there???
But realistically, we are a society that begs for crap to be shoved down our throats. Companies have figured out that we will take it upon ourselves to drown our buyers remorse with excuses and justifications. We no longer give any real fucks about quality. We just want to be cool. Don't believe me?
How fucking far do you have to walk to get a Starbucks?


  1. "we are not aware of any problem, but will send a new fork/brake/shock/etc next day at no charge." not aware? I guess you forgot to jot down those last 10 returns I made

  2. I called SRAM regarding my brake issues. The CSR told me he had never heard of any brake if I was the first person EVER to call SRAM regarding their awful AVIDs that they should have recalled years ago and never did. It's almost criminal that their is no recall on these POS.

  3. Eh, I like Sram stuff, but that's me. I'll admit that Shimano works great, but I don't enjoy the feel of it. Such a fanboi, lol.

    Coming from a wrench's side of things, I get both ears yelled off because of peoples "dissatisfaction" with a particular product or brand. Mainly, it's just people riding stuff to death and not doing a single thing about it. "My fork feels like poo." Well when's the last time the service has been done, never? Must be Fox/Rockshox/Marz/etc fault. "My gears are skipping." Your chain is so stretched my three different chain measures wont get a reading, your cassette hurts to touch, and your hanger is so far bent it's near up your ass. So, when you say something sucks, lets take a step back, make it right in the first place, then double check the suck.

    In Avid's defense, they give you new shit, quick. And better shit. Just warranty some Elixir 3's and they sent XO trails. Not to bad all things considered.

    1. I think "Double check the suck" is my new favorite phrase.

  4. SRAM is picking up where Shimano left off. fIe years ago I was getting chewed out by Shimano America because my customer were still begging for five- and six-speed freewheels. "Your job is to persuade customers to invest in new technologies, not to help them keep the old stuff going," the Shimano rep bleated through the phone. So clearly, the bike industry doesn't give a rat's patooty about customers, they just want to move product and count the profits. I am, thankfully, no longer dependent on the bike industry for my living; and can instead hoard old Deore and Power Ratchet parts to my heart's content and ride a fully-rigid mountain bike with V-brakes. Life is good.

  5. This blog sucks more than SRAVID. It's pure gold but you can't seem to update it often enough. Through up some aids, I'll click em. Sell me T shirt or whatever it takes to get a new post a couple times a month. Everybody that reads the hilarity you post knows your shop salary isn't getting you all that far.

  6. Your working is truly appreciative, it sounds good to read your blogs thanks a lot guys! Jimmy Kevin