Of Whale tails and Mustache rides.....

I am all in for creativity.

This gem is pure creativity.

Not too sure about functionality....

Yup.

You are seeing that.

A mustache seat.

An all day epic aboard a 'stache.

Everybody loves a mustache ride right?

Everyone except your nuts if you try to get back over the seat.

Right about now there are a handful of

Drunkcyclist.com guys trying to imagine

a scantily dressed lass perched precariously over this "saddle?"

I scoured the interwebbage and could not find anywhere

to procure this fancy.

I did find 

which seems fair. 

Really.

I found this also.

A bit of tickle added I guess.

But they are a far cry from the full blown

saddle sore inducing

mustache ride

OG.

Looks like a one off but hell....I'da made a lot of them.

Sell them like hotcakes I would

I did not try to mount it.

Seemed a bit odd for me.

I mean who am I to 

ride another man's mustache?

I am full confident in my manhood.

It was just that

this 

particular chap.

Was about 6'4.

and rocking 240lbs.

I was clearly not partaking of his 'stache.

This is what we do....

Sorry. 

I am not cut from the cloth of lemmings.

There has never been a pied piper playing a tune I 

felt the need to follow.

The only suit that has ever fit consists of shorts and t-shirts.

jeans fall in there from time to time but

the point is I wear what fits. 

My hands are grimy.

It takes a simple look to know that these are the tools of my trade.

My hands.

Cracked.

Scarred.

Sometime they betray me,

 they hurt,

 bleed,

 and fail to follow the inputs. 

I have no desire to get the corner office. To punch a 9-5.

I want to make your bike sing fucking sweet songs.

Click.

Whir.

Swoosh.

There is a simple pleasure you can never understand about making a bike sing.

We wrenches.

We make your day,

 your night, 

your weekend.

We make the tool you use to escape, better.

We punch in and grab a Joe,

 clip the apron over our heads,

and prepare to dive into your filth.

You never bring us the clean bike.

Yours is a dirty bastardized version of what it should be.

You are too busy to notice, 

the bike becomes the street urchin spanging ( that's begging ).

You only notice when it makes a noise or goes flat.

Wrenches become the police you call to rectify the distaste.

Your lack of preparedness causes us grief you'll never understand.

Wrenches aren't there to be holier than tho.

We just turn.

Turn tubes,

turn tires,

turn gears,

forever spinning in a tornado of dust,

sports drink crystals, 

and your pure fucking filth.

All we ask is some respect.

We make pocket change for wages,

life ain't all about the greenbacks.

It's about doing for those who cannot,

shredding the proper piss outta whatever two wheeled device

puts a rise in your pants

or a wetspot in your underlings.

For wrenches...

its.

about.

fixing.

It's Friday.

Bring 

your

mechanic

a 

cold

sixer.

yourbikehatesyou.

Dead Weight....

Say you are a weight lifter.

( which is dumb shit to do...pay money to join a gym and lift weights. I mean for fucks sake,

you can pick up rocks for free.)

You are looking to add a little cardio to your routine,

drop some chub and get a bit of fitness.

Running would be shit when you weigh

260 and don't have a neck. That would suck a bag of dicks.

So logically a bike is in order.

But fuck man use some sense. Not this bike.

This is a cousin to 

The Shitbike.

Take a look at the whale dick err seat beam.

That ain't gonna work forever, or maybe it will, but I am not willing to test it.

I certainly have a neck, and am fond of me nether regions, so sure thing buddy

take your 260+ pound 'roid ridden ass and plop it down on the beam.

Them Aero Bars are sweet.

Choo borrow them from Lemond?

I have rarely, if ever, discouraged anyone from riding a bike.

This time I had to.

Imagine how many people muscle guy would have beat the shit out of?

I mean a big mass of man muscle pedaling around on this?

Tell me you could refrain from laughing.

Some shops have a lot of extra time on their hands....

most of the shops I ever spun wrenches in 

are too busy to play with that type of nonsense.

But hey,

It's still a better use of a trainer than sitting still and pedaling 

for hours on end

with no 

differentiation between you and a 

hamster.

thanks Dirty for the link.

To be a kid again...

Remember when you were young.

And 

no matter

fucking what

yourbikelovedyou?

Tomorrow AM.

It's on...

Grip it and rip it.

Someone

out there in the 

interwebbages

make adults a few of these.

just sayin.

Fat Bikes Fly Fine...

Forget calling them Snow Bikes.

Fat Bikes like life are what ya make it.

Lesson:

happy humping.

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