Pigs in a blanket ?!?!?!?!

Once again the beloved Tri Geek sets himself apart

from the rest of the herd...

We all know we can count on them to step up and make an otherwise dull day

"special".

Perhaps the above group had wet bar tape.

That stuff can get pretty slick, maybe move around a bit.

Sometimes people take the more is better approach.

Take this guy for example sent in by Mark S.

Mark says this guy had a three layer wrap.

Huh?

Yea, that's fine for Taco Bell,

but you get your nuts slapped for that shit on a bike.

Nancy Boy hands.

HTFU.--- or get these things called gloves.

The original reason for the post is something

I

have 

NEVER

seen before.

Please sit down.

Your eyes do not joke on you.

You are looking at a one of a kind approach to aero bars.

LOCK ON GRIPS.

Awww shit.

Them bad boys would sure go well with...

TOXIC AVENGER FLAME THROWER ASS

Drafting off this guy???

Negative.

Are you SURE you have everything?????

Sometimes you have to accessorize.

You need a few water bottle cages,

perhaps a computer, 

a bell to warn others,

and of course surround sound.

What?

Holy hell...

did he just say surround sound?

That's right mother truckers.

You hear him rollin...

You hating.

Another fine beauty sent in from Brian K.

There is so much Hoopla

going on here it is unbelievable.

Red bar tape ends for right hand placement accuracy. Check.

Twisty Tie mounting system for stereo. Check

Mirror. Check.

Best brakes Hayes EVER made. Check.

Bag Phone thingy mount. UH. What.

MMMM. Check?

Dolby. Check.

It's a recumbent. Fucking explains it all.

See anything the bastard needs?

Apocalypse Now......Or Elitptigetthefuckouttahere.

I have been holding back

holding out

and just plain letting this one stew for a bit.

It is an abomination of all that is holy.

Is it even allowed to be here, on this blog and have insults hurled at it?

Faaaack yeah.

If I have to spend one damn minute working on this pile of stepped in dog poo

YOU ARE GOING TO SEE IT.

Oh yeah baby,

 there it is in all its unholiness.

WTF?

If I see your dumbass riding, striding, stairclimbing,

or whateverthefuckitisyoudo

on this beast...

I will probably hurl insults in a machine gun style at you.

Seriously,

You need to get your tubby ass in a gym and hide from sight. 

Elpitigo your ass the hell on outta here

I fix bikes damnit.

And this sure as shit is no kind of bike,

none.

Wait,

HO.LEE. HELL

You mean to tell me that has Carbon Fibre 

whateveryoucalltheplaceyouputyourfeet?

There.is.no.god.

Words are not enough.

It gets better.

Captain Green Machine 

called up and wanted to know when his "bike" would be ready.

His wife apparently was pissed off at him for spending

$2K on this?!?!?!?

Huh.

No

wait.

2 friggin grand???

no shame at all sir none. 

I got nothing.

I'll be stuck on stupid for a while having seen this.

What hasn't been between your legs

Not exactly calling you an outright 

whore,

but you simply must pay better attention to what you allow

between your legs.

Seriously,

at some point you must have thought

" maybe this is not what I want to rub up against my privies" 

Or perhaps you are like the hookers who date and marry Hugh Hefner.

Perhaps you like it old and decayed.

Maybe you long for the dust and crust.

Trust me.

If your date knew you had this between your legs your last time out.

YOU WOULD NEVER GET SOME AGAIN.

Like nevah evah. 

Where do you think the rest of it went?

Eww.

 Gross fuck, why are you thinking that?

Have you no sense of decency, sir, at all left?

An oasis?

Really?

An oasis of what?

Syphilis?

Gonorrhea?

Stanky cheese crotch?

Perhaps you just like your bean and cheese burritos 

with a little flame thrower sauce. 

We all have had a case of "the reds".

If its that hot going in...

Butt really???

A new saddle can be had for $25

Save your crotch.

Save any self respect you have.

Stop advertising that any and everything can and has

reached the promised land.

Ahh the promised land....

Get a new seat you cheap stinky bastard.

Oh and wash your butt. 

really watch that.

really.

what do you think the seat smelled like?

the big S stands for.....

Suffering Succotash

Seriously.

W.

T.

H???

Has anyone seen this?

Apparently color blind Oompa-Loompas decided this was 

a good idea.

Fugly.

OR just maybe the intern decided.

Could be the case as here is the interns ride....

Now that is one full suspension

rig that feels the need for speed (o).

I have seen all kinds of absurdly dumb shit done to a bike after it leaves the warehouse.

Special ed just skipped a step with the Demo hate.

speaking of dumb shit...

Image from :

http://www.pinkbike.com/news/Riding-Brendan-Faircloughs-Specialized-Demo-8-2011.html

What da Fack?

You need a spiked saddle to keep your ass from sliding off?

How the fuck fast are you going?

( yeah i know dude is fast as hell)

but the fatty who rides the shuttle???

Brah...

your fat ass needs more than those spiky things

to keep the saddle from parting the red sea that is your humungous large 

personal Grand Canyon.

I am pretty sure the ladies model is called the

 French Tickler.

( if not, them saddle making bastards owe me ).

Thanks to Dirty Biker for the heads up on spiky seat.

Ever have that not so clean feeling ????

Not one.

But two of these special beauties came in to visit me last week.

W.O.W.

I generally wrench with those blue latex gloves on.

Mostly because the petroleum products and cleaning agents we techs use

can be outright bad for you.

This type of filth is something else entirely. 

It is contagious.

It spread like the plague to this bike,

like the plague.

What's important to note on these two lab specimens

(other than the gloves stuck to the frames like flypaper)

is that these dumb bastards spent too much money on carbon cages.

Yeah that fancy cage saved some BIG time weight.

How much weight you think you have spilled all over your frame?

That sweet sticky goop could probably feed a small village. 

Oh yeah.

Neither of these dipshitsticks wanted their bikes cleaned.

Oh it gets worse.

Is that more Aero? 

Clamping the cable so it doesn't work?

Didn't want that fixed.

You'd think that anyone spending Durace loot would want this cable fixed.

WRONG.

Get your bikes the fuck outta my shop.

Don't bring it back till its clean.

Or your willing to actually pay some money for me to do my job.

Proof you can't fix stupid.

I just wish it hurt more.