Friday, September 30, 2011

authentic blend of 23 flavors.....all of which are crap

I don't always drink soda,
but when I do 
I drink Dr. Pepper.

The Dr. is good, 
real good.

You can never really nail down what
exactly is going on as far as taste goes.

Too bad the Dr. was high as a kite on $10 smack
when he let some Yahoo go ahead and slap 
the Dr.'s good name on this pile of
never do well.

Yeah that is a supreme disappointment.

How big a chainring do you think the person riding this can use?
Look at the range the front derailleure mount provides.
I bet a 75 would fit nicely.

Hell yeah,
 look at the rocker arms.

Now give em a bottle full of Viagra,
them bitches are limp.

Nice to see they put a rack on a full suspension bike. 
Even thought of panniers so you can really haul the mail.
Seems legit.

That down tube is sure to keep you on track,
and the cable routing as you can see is well thought out.
The Dr. even thought out wide handle bars.



Saturday, September 24, 2011

the world needs another crossover vehicle....

Nick LeBag found a rare gem indeed.

Craigslist removed adds for prostitutes.

Or did they?

Craigslist ad description follows :

Specialized Stumpjumper M2 (1994 frame) is currently set up for road training with slick tires, aerobars and road rear derailleur.

If you care to convert it back into a mountain bike it comes with 2 brand new knobby tires, mtn. bike handlebar and NEW 8-speed grip-shift shifters.

Also comes with a super nice rear rim... Mavic with Ringle hub, a NEW set of Girvin Magnesium pedals and a like NEW Profile Airstryke 2000 aero bar.

Bike currently comes equipped with a Girvin fork and ONZA cantilever brake calipers. I also have a NEW set of extra ONZA brake calipers I'll throw in.

58 cm top tube... this is a large size frame!!!

This is a very nice bike, price is firm, absolutely no exceptions!

Rear water bottle cage holder and water bottle are NOT included!

And, Yes, it is still available!! 

Pretty much deal is off unless I get to use the same water bottle as this guy.
I am really most interested in the yellow plastic sponge thing.
I totally geek out on the funk that builds up in them.
It better not be washed.

Also, you better be handing out the pump. It is mounted and attached so I better receive it.
If not you can't be all too firm on the price.

What the holy friggin hell!
Seriously, how bad is Arizona's Meth problem when asshats can come up with total ass gravy like this?

If you see this dude riding...
don't honk,
don't wave,
you best not think of staring.

'Cause I promise you
this rodeo clown will eat you kids.
Like New.

I call BS on it.

But I do it from afar.
Momma didn't raise a fool.

 this guys momma did.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Shut the Fuggin door!!!!

I stole this right from Bob B.
Off the FB.

Your bike hates you,
Cause you struggle with everyday riding.
Like Me.

And yet THIS happens?

Sorry, your day just got better and worse.

Sorry for the twelve day break.

interbike ain't no excuse.

I am just a lazy bitch working on bikes.

Head over to FB and look me up.

Throw in a like please.

Have a good time.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Fire In the Hole!!!!!

Every shop.
Every where.
Someone has yelled fire in the hole.

It's a right of passing.
It angers you.
It makes you laugh.

it scares the piss out of customers.

It happens when you inflate a cheap pile of craps tire.
It happens on new bikes.
It happens on expensive carbon road bikes,
and it happens on mountain bikes.

What if it didn't.

I have developed a power,
I can stop the 
Fire In The Hole.

It will come to you after you develop the talent.
Years of flat fixes, bike builds, and mostly

alot of time on hunks of shit bikes.

Oh You need proof?

That proof enough for you?

Fine here's more.

Beleee Dat.

Of course, it don't come easy.
Sometimes that shit will blow right in your face.
Which sucks.
Especially if its a tubeless mountain tire filled up 
with sealant.
Cause you know you are getting a massive facial blast.

Remember kids 
always check for dents.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Meet the new SUV

As most, I think of the SUV as a gas guzzling,
soccer mom hauling, 
go anywhere vehicle 
mostly used on paved roads in suburbia.

But you have to accessorize
I mean nothing screams off road
like an SUV
with dubs.

What's more off road capable than a Hummer on dubs?

I present to you the BUV.

Cup holders?
Shit, Tri three ( yea pun fucker).
Extra storage option selected. 

Has an onboard computer, standard.
Front and rear optional lighting accessories. You betcha!

On the fly suspension adjustment for the Gnar. Oh Yea!

I am tellin you this BUV has everything the paved urban dweller could want.
If not I see a few square inches I can fill up on the handle bars.
Plus I just got Bento Boxes in sooo...
Extra Cargo time baby.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Please please please leave this to the professionals.....or not.

Ahhh the home mechanic.
We all want to take care of our own shit.
I support that very much as a wrench.
One would think I ought not,

 being that taking care of your crap is the source of my income.

Trust me I am not scared. 

Most of the people don't want to spend the extra dime to have their bike cleaned.
It's like what 
$20-$40 extra depending on where you shop?

So this guy wanted to know why his bike was 
"making noise".

Noise you say?

Oh and it doesn't shift very fast. HMMM
Wonder why?

Ever wonder why your fancy bike is not as comfortable as it should be?
Ever think the design was at fault?


Yup that baby screams comfort.
Much better design.

Speaking of design.
Ever wonder if you can replace your pedal pins?
Well wonder no more screw boy has it solved.

Yeah baby!
Grip it and rip it.

Oh and how about some do it yourself handlebar mods?

Hell Yeah!
THAT looks tough!

looks secure to me.